I recently read an article on CNN.com by Thom Patterson that explores whether or not technology is having a negative impact on modern romance. While technology has certainly shaken things up in other areas – from the way we order food to the way we entertain ourselves to targeted advertising and beyond – can it really impact the way we love and find love?
Patterson states that we’re moving away from traditional courtship rituals like buying flowers, writing poems and sending love letters to tweeting things in acronyms or a sort of text-code, like “KOTL” (Kiss On The Lips) or BCOY (Big Crush on You). This may negatively impact the 30 and under group because verbal and emotional intimacy can fall by the wayside as it quickly becomes usurped by typing. The author references sex and relationships expert Laura Berman who states that there is risk for “a lot of miscommunication, a lot of conflict, a lot of divorces. There’s a risk of losing that deep intimacy from eye-to-eye contact, which is so important to mating and courtship rituals so ingrained in our DNA.” And she states that without social and emotional intimacy, couples lack marriage bonding tools that are crucial to surviving difficult times – recent failed celebrity marriages like Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries and Katy Perry/Russell Brand are cited as examples.

My Take: I both agree and disagree with this. On one hand, texting/communicating online has become a form of normal communication and, as such, has made its way into the courtship phase. There’s no way around it. But this doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing –it all depends on how it’s being used. For example, if someone were to text me “KOTL” or “BCOY”, I would first have to Google what that meant, and then I would politely tell him I wasn’t interested. I honestly don’t know anyone who regularly uses acronyms like that (see side list) and I think that those who do likely have a different outlook in terms of what it means to socialize and communicate with others (I’m visualizing someone who rarely goes outside or is 12 years old – but please correct me if I’m wrong or if you disagree).

Aside from the acronyms, if used as the sole form of communication without any regular face-to-face contact, I do think texting and non-verbal communication can definitely have a negative impact on verbal and emotional intimacy as Berman stated. However, if used in moderation they can help supplement a relationship – like if there’s no time for an actual phone call but two people want to keep in touch to keep that flame burning.

I also don’t believe that a real, lasting relationship – the kind that would result in marriage— can form from texting alone. The author mentions the recent divorces of Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry and their respective exes, for instance.  I actually think this example is pretty misleading. Celebrities have been getting married and divorced for as long as marriage and divorce existed. Look at Marilyn Monroe – she was divorced three times! I don’t necessarily think these two celebrities’ marriages failed simply because they didn’t communicate with their husbands face-to-face enough. Maybe that was a piece of the pie, but perhaps they didn’t communicate at all, or were just mismatched or maybe made the wrong decision when getting married in the first place.

Regardless, texting and other forms of technological communication can only hurt courtship if you let it play a leading role. Don’t date someone who won’t call you. Don’t date someone who you can’t have a conversation with face-to-face. Real romance is out there, you just need to put down your phone and MIRL (meet in real life).